Firangi Paani

I love the independent music scene in India. They’re creative, extremely talented and the compositions, IMHO, are worthy of any international album. But wait, that twang wouldnt be there in an international album, or that noisy hum, maybe the keys in the background could’ve been less loud? Yeah, production had always been the Achilles heel for i

Guide to Other Side of Software Psychos: How to woo a queen in 5 mins….

Code, coke, cubicle…Malls, mobiles, mobikes, mullah..pubs, passport, PDAs..Desperation, deadlines…That’s the regular Techie for you..But here’s a shocking, sneak peek into the secret lives of these not-so-subtle, nocturnal neurotics..Presenting to you…the Guide to Other Side of Software Psychos…(and of course it comes with perks, answer correctly the question at the end of every chapter, and you could be our lucky winner…no prizes…yeah u r lucky…techies dont hav much of a taste in prizes)

X. says: now i can get back to being a slob and forget to give u the book for centuries!!
D.L. says:the pretty lady is into karate
X. says: oh! the slob is into intersteller yu-kon-wo
D.L. says: the pretty lady is the master of the intergalactic kingdom…thou shalt not disobey
X. says: am born to be a rebel. and i’ve already robbed her majesty of three inter galactic star cruisers
D.L. says: sinner!!!!u r on the road to perdition…the wrath of the queen shall blast you to quarks!!!!
X. says: if thy majesty acted as promptly as she speaks (or reads the speech prepared by her moronic speech writers), i would’ve been frying on BlackStar’s prison for lost souls by now
D.L. says: there is a benevolent dide to her…dont test her nerves
X. says: i’ve heard she’s a beauty, i’d rather test her on a romantic drive down the Vogosphere with Clampton’s twin moons in the background

Brain Drain

Hallowed be thy name – Cradle of Filth

A friend of mine forwarded these lyrics to me. Dont know how it sounds…havent heard the song. But just loved the way this guy writes. So metaphorical. U can link the punishment to almost anythin wrong that happens to u. Anythin that makes u feel, “Shit!! why did this have to happen??” Feels like this guy just went into my brain and decoded all the junk and put it in verse. Hats Off!! And thanx Sani.

I’m waiting in my cold cell, when the bell begins to chime;
Reflecting on my past life, and it doesn’t have much time;
‘Cause at 5 o’clock, they take me to the Gallows pole;
The sands of time, for me are running low…

Hosuring(ho-so-ree-ing):

Hosuring refers to the sport where contestants have to cover a 19 km strech of road (if it can be called that) in the fastest time possible. Though this sounds like any normal automobile race, the catch lies in the fact that the roads are not even comparable to the tracks used for other motorsports and the drivers have to navigate through obstacles unique to this sport.
Hosuring was included in the Olympics in 2025 in a very controversial move. The Olympic commitee was always against motorsports as they considered the physical labour involved was way below the standards set by the Games. But the physical stamina and endurance to complete one round of Hosuring more than met up with their stringent demands.

History:
Interestingly, this sport can trace its roots back to India. A country who’s most significant contribution to motorsport had been a test driver for the F1 circuit and a joke that the car theives from Mumbai could steal, change wheels, re-paint, file the chassis and sell the car to the opposing team in the same time that it takes for a pit stop.

The term, Hosuring, has been derived from a 19 km strech of road called Hosur Road which was the bane of commuters for the period 2002 – 2012. This strech of road was frequented by software engineers commuting from their residences in the main city of Bangalore (India’s then software capital, till the BUG destroyed it) to their offices in a smaller satellite city called Electronics City (Why they didnt choose to reside in Electronics City itself was a long standing sociology problem which was finally solved by Dr. Jaldi Khanakha in his Theory of Bachelor Concentration). Software engineers are basically not excellent drivers, but constant commuting on Hosur Road finally paid of when Deebog Kode managed to top the F1 driver’s standing for 3 consecutive years. He dedicated his inate dodging skills and risky maneuvering skills (which resulted in most of the other participants sitting the races out) to his daily commuting on Hosur Road.

And then one fine day, Hosur Road was patched, thanks to a huge cargo aeroplane full of tar crashing on the road and covering the road and the surrounding areas mysteriously. The details of the crash are still an international secret. The commuters had grown so used to this labourous method of commuting that they decided to make their own Hosur Road and thus was born the sport of Hosuring. Since the new track was near the international airport, it provided an awesome spectacle for people coming and going out of Bangalore, thus catapulting the international popularity of the sport.

The first World Hosuring Championship was held rightfully at Bangalore. Currently, there’s a World Championship with tracks over 30 countries. The International Hosuring Association was established in 2015 and boasts 302 members (The investment for a Hosuring track is very minimal and every country wanted to get the bad drivers off the road by getting them into Hosuring)

Hosuring Competitions:
A traditional Hosuring track is about 19 km long. But there are the Kwick track(9 km) and the Simbly track(27 km). The track consists of random number of car, trucks, two wheelers and other assorted things on wheels scattered all over. The race drivers have to maneuver through them in the shortest time possible. The best tracks also have junctions based on the original Hosur Road. These junctions are 3-way, 4-way or at times 5-way and even 7 way crossings! There are pedistrians who keep movin from one end of the road to the other end providing yet another major challenge for the drivers in the competition. These junctions are graded according to the difficulty. Skillfully maneuvering through the BomanaJunc scores the maximum points while GarvyJunc and the others have slightly less value. Another challenge that the drivers face is the rugged terrain. The potholes, unmetalled side roads and half contrustructed parts are painfully and lovingly recreated by expert engineers at each track.

The driver are judged not only on the speed at which they complete the track (though that’s the most important criteria), but also on their skill in maneuvering their vehicles between other vehicles, in changing lanes and in scaring the other drivers. There are various “tricks” that have been introduced into game like the “salvador Sandwhich” perfected by Sony Badebaal (No Salvadorian connection here, Sony just love latinoes). There’s a lotta research which goes into the sport also with analysts writing whole books on suceeding in the basic techniques. Prem Likegaes’ “Theory of Middle Lane Maneuvaribility” is one of the most widely refered trestise in the sport.

Hosuring as a cultural Force:
Hosuring has appeared in a slew of movies and music videos, specially with skimpily dressed gals fallin into the mud pits from top of participating cars ( this scene was used in 1,278 videos till now).
Various economists and socialogists argue that Hosuring has been on uniting factor for the people of the world. The main argument in this favour came when dissidents and occupying Allied forces solved their difference on a track of Hosuring. Since the cost of setting Hosuring tracks are minimal, even the poorest countries are invloved in this sport. The main advantage is that people are so engrossed in the sport that they have been living (and dying) blissfully oblivious of the fact that there are zillions of problems facing their nations.
The sport has seen a massive surge popularity after it was featured in Maxim Riksu’s magnum opus, “Muddy in my wheels”. Hosuring is indeed the most expressive cultural expression of this century.

Falling in love is sooooooo hard on ur knees (and ur bike seat!!)

One of the first Aerosmith songs that i’d heard, this song had all their brashness and bad boy attitude. I love Steven Tyler’s lip-streeeeeching delivery. The way he streches just the right words ;). I’ve always had this fantasy of singin this song in a dim and smoky club while lookin into the eyes of this hot babe in black leather. 😀 “Sometimes am good, but when am bad am even better.” when is the world gonna understand that??!! No one wants to see the bad side of me. they just dont know what they’re missin here.

Okie, this is a confession. There was a time when i used to love boy bands. And the first time i got on stage to perform with a group, i did 2 BSB songs!! Phew, that’s a load of my soul. But i didnt really like them and i still hate them. I do have a lil weak spot for some boy bands like Take That, 5ive and Blue. 5ive was somethin i used to swear by when I was in school and i recently got thir first album again. It was soooo cool listenin to them. they had this cool mix of power pop, hip hop and funk. and thanx to them, the folks in my office are kinda shocked to see me tryin out my boy band dance moves right in my cubicle!!

“Can’t stop addicted to the shin dig” – does it make sense. Who cares??!! As long as the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are singing it, nothin has to make sense. You can just stay lost in the music. How can anyone think of songs this catchy? I still have to think bout any other band which makes catchier music. The hook at the beginin of this song is sooooo awesome!! it always brings a BIG smile to my face. And on very sad days, i just look at the video to cheer myself up. The whole concept of the video is somethin called “One Minute Sculptures” where you use regular everyday articles to create masterpieces (supposedly, i’ve always known anyone who appreciates somethin this abstract is just loco!!). The way the whole band puts things together to create “sculptures” is sooo hillarious. They’ve gotta be the most imaginative band alive today.

“So lock up your daughter, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life” – someone’s finally speakin my language. I guess there’s no band that as direct as Ac/DC. I havent heard of them singing bout anythin else! I rem reading a comic bout how they formed. And it seems, they dragged Angus Young to practice as soon as he used to come back from school. So started the trend of him wearing his school shorts, blazer and tie at all their concerts!! Imagine a 45-yr dude in school shorts making the ladies swoon. I guess it happens only in ozzy land. 😀

Car Wars – Part Duex

Early monday mornin. Karan’s all fresh and ready to go. He had come back after a long stay at the Great Caar Hospital and they had made sure he was at his best. The trail runs on Friday had gone well. He was feeling nice and smooth. Sooo sure that he would pick up at least a couple of oil rubs from the female popluace. 😉

He purrs into action and moves into the Boulevard of broken dreams and immediatly sees this huge serpentine line which was increasing as were the tempers of the cars, snarling and hissing at each other. But soon the crowd cleared and Karan was zoomin on to his destination, enjoyin the music and honkin in tune with the beats. He was almost there and baskin in the praise being showered by his owners on his new zip-zoom speed sneakers. Suddenly, he sees the red “evil eye”, the menace of all things fast and furious. He slows and hisses a curse but stops nevertheless. “Hope am parked next to a hot,twangy babe-car today”, he comtemplates when he’s suddenly feels somethin bang. He hears it first, the sound of metal against metal and then the pain sinks in…..a dull, thudding pain that started from his back and swept all over him. He felt somethin tear away, and with the pain he was in, he didnt wanna know also. He was wanted to slip into the darkness and let the pain take over. But somehow he opened his eyes, maybe just to have the pleasure of knowin that whoever had damaged him had incurred more damage than him. He wouldn’t believe the sight that met his eyes!! There was this Indicazon with its tail totally cut off writhin in pain lyin just next to him. And straining his eyes, he managed to catch a glimpse of the culprit, a sputtering Yokozuna-one of the most dreaded creatures on the roads of Bangazon!! Karan was sure the Yokozuna was drunk, he could smell the stench of decomposed rocket fuel from sooo far away. The cops came and just pushed the cars off the road and Karan had no idea what was gonna happen to him. There was just this dreaded image that came flashing into his mind. That of DeztrukZion, the place where all useless cars were sent. He had been there once, just once and that was enough for him to keep servin faithfully and without complain. “this is it”, he thought………

As his head cleared a bit, he could still feel the pain. But it was slowly being replaced by this anger and bitterness seeping thro his bones. “Why me??”,  All he had been doin was following rules!! And now he’s gonna suffer. Luckily, it was a flesh wound, a deep one but he would survive at least.

(Continued)

Bald Superstar!

Mark Knopfler was a genius. Comin in at a time when punk rock was gettin more mainstream than it was supposed to and everyone was being angry and stuff, and makin people pay attention to “Romeo and Juliet” is almost as difficult as tolerating Ashlee Simpson these days!! And this guy does it with panache and style. He doesn’t even look like a rockstar or anythin. He’s my sole hope that people who’re bald in the middle can make it big in showbiz. 😀

Her voice? Where have i heard it before? In my dreams? Is this the voice that makes me search for the one for me??!! Even if its not, Christina’s voice is almost equal to the one the maiden of my dreams possesses. Lacuna Coil, a band i’d never even heard of. But just one song blows me off my feet. This song called “Swamped” starts with the heavy chords reminescent of any Goth band, but then suddenly u hear this angelic voice floating thro to u. U fail to notice it at first, but then it gets stronger and permeates ur brain!! The image i get when i close my eyes if of this lost angel wanderin in a dark, muddy world. lost and cryin for help. “When ur taught thro feelings” – one line that somehow catches my attention sooo much. What does it mean? and why do i feel so attracted to this one line? Can someone enlighten me?

An anthem for teen rebellion. One of the only hits for the New Radicals, but what a major one. “You get what you give” gives u the teen angst without the anger. its nice, melodious and actually encourages you (if ur still a teen:P) to strive to be somethin more. Ever time i listen to this song, i miss the rebellion stage which i never had!! 😦 i was such a good, nice kid. i sometimes feel i’ve missed out on a lot be being sooo nice, specially when the whole world wanted me to rebel and protest and be a punk. maybe i’ll do that once am a grand dad. 😉

Car Wars!!

In a galaxy right in my dreams, not so far ago, lived two cars: Karan and Prem. Both of them loved fast music, as they reached speeds of light. Though the cars were old, they never had much problems until they reached this massive planet called Bangation. The cars were small but they had the important task of transporting these mindless pieces of very sensitive flesh who called themselves human beings. All they did was move from one place to another with no time to appreciate anythin at all. Karan and Prem could never understand them, but they were happy just transporting them humans cause they got to fly and listen to nice music!! And so Prem transported people to and fro on Hazor Ave. competing with giant dragons ferryin huge amounts of people, belchin smoke and fire and mechanized midgets carryin one person. But the worst offenders where the rich feudal lords with their fat bellys, with enough money to buy stagecoaches pulled by 18 unicorns each but no one to share the massive stage coaches with. 😦 Prem couldn’t reach the speed of a whisper, leave alone the speed of light!! but he stuck on!!

Prem banged and they busted, not cause of the music he loved but cause of the challenging envioronment of the planet, battling the dragons and the midgets and the stagecoaches every day. He was feelin tired and felt something wrong with him. But he kept on, every single day and again in the evening. Till one day, Prem collapsed….

The car wizards came and checked and probed and tested. “The roads are responsible”, they cried. Prem’s owner didnt even wanna spend money to get him repaired, he thought he could use Karan now!! Poor Karan, he was sooo proud that it would be his turn to enjoy the music and challenge the dragons and the midgets, little did he know how horrible his condition was gonna be. Even the evil chuckle by their owner went unnoticed by Karan. He slept fitfully that night, with his dreams punctuated with smoky angels chokin to death. But his innocent mind didn’t still associate it with the horrors he would be facing in a while. (To be Continued)

Doggie.V

(This was in another page!! But moved it here due to popular demand.)

Just love dogs!! the way they look at u and melt you is impossible to duplicate. unless of course, someone gives u chocolates!! 😉 But chocolates cant jump on u and mess u around when u come back home. And chocolates surely cant snuggle upto u and keep u warm when ur sleepin. Hmmm, ur gal/guy could probably do that but then you would’ve to take her to the costliest restaurant in town while a dog’s happy on whatever ur feedin it. and the best part is the sheer unselfishness!! there are no demands and no expectations. except a lil bit of playtime and a lil pamperin. Lol, the way they look at u and act cute, u have no option but to pet them.
I rem Dennis, who was this mixed breed with like the faintest traces of a doberman in him. But he still wagged his stub of a tail with all the zest of a doberman. But he was such a mama’s dog!! if it rains, he wont step out and get his feet wet. and if he’s forced out, his gait would put a 18th century lady to shame! he would walk on his tip toes, deftly avoiding even a drop of water. 😀
And to compete with him was Rex, a German Shepard, who had the same genes as his Siberian wolf cousins!! totally wild and uncivilized!! we would chase flies, frogs, mosquities and rats with the same ferocity as reserved for cats or other natural foes. And his most fearsome foe was my basketball. “what’s this? An enemy without legs? without form? but it still moves?!! arrrgghhh!! my mouth’s not big enough to bite it. 😦 but its sooo soft. am sure it must be really tasty if i can sink my teeth in. Slurp!! Slurp!!” Exactly what Rex would’ve been thinkin bout in his exciting encounters with the BasketBall. BasketBall and Rex’s duels gave us constant entertainment rivaling the WWF series in terms of viewership!!
The series continues……..

Confusing Contradictions

The response was awesome!! 😀 i loved sooo many people tellin me how much they loved my blog and stuff. the most common refrain i got was, “Awesome for a first blog!!!” am i gonna get better, or just run outta things to say? like Extreme once sang, “Am i ever gonna change??” eternal confusion for them too which ended up in the disintegration of such an awesome band!! But i’ve always believed in ending ur innings with a sixer even if all u’ve scored is 6 runs. (now, isn’t that a siddhuism?? 😉 )

well, i got some more blogs comin up, at least ideas for a few more. And dont expect any highly intelligent earth and myth shatterin ones. 😛 the Lambourgini Diablo’s just revvin now, u’ve gotta hold on till it gets into 5th gear.

“They started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?”

That’s how the blog’s goin right now!! 😀

Oh, and the small messenger like window on the right is actually a messenger window ( pearls of wisdom!!) if u see me online, u can actually chat with me, so start pingin or iming or whatver u call it in ur chat lingo. And in case am not online, leave in ur comments. they make for good readin.